Archive for November, 2008

As some of you may know, my grandma (Mamaw) has cancer. She was diagnosed six years ago (when I was a freshman in HS) and has been fighting the whole time. She has lung cancer. I’ve had two grandparents before that had lung cancer, small cell, and both died within a year. I guess my Mamaw doesn’t have small cell, but I don’t know what variety she actually has, or what to call it. Anyway. The cancer has spread on more than one occasion. It started in her lungs, and then moved to her brain, and now it’s in her bones and throat. She’s too weak for treatment, so basically all they can do is keep her on morphine and oxygen until the end.

My family has a meeting with Hospice Care on Wednesday. They need someone to take care of my Mamaw in the evenings, because my aunt, who currently lives with her, is… for lack of a better term, a lying cheating scumbag who doesn’t deserve to be in her presence, let alone be her primary caregiver. (On more than one occasion, she’s stolen medication, money, and other things from my Mamaw. I’m not allowed to discuss what I’m willed, because she’ll get her panties in a twist. [I'm being willed my Mamaws wedding rings.] It’s all a big deal, and she really shouldn’t be living there. We’re actually going to change the locks on the house and windows the day my Mamaw dies. If we don’t, she’ll steal everything in the house.)

I just really don’t know how to feel about this anymore. I can’t hardly listen to my favorite music, because it makes me cry. (Carrie Underwood. You should see me in the car. I start singing, and then I start bawling.) But the only time I CAN cry is when I listen to music. I don’t want to cry, I want to be strong for my family, but it’s like… how much more of this can I take? I’ve done this twice before, and it’s really not getting any easier. If anything, this time is harder because she’s been in remission twice already. It’s really hard knowing that this time, there’s no remission. It’s just over now. And it’s even harder knowing that if she would have stopped smoking when she found out, her cancer probably wouldn’t have spread. But she kept putting those toxins into her body, and in her already weakened state, they did their worst in the shortest amount of time possible.

I guess I should be happy that it’s not so sudden as it was with my Papaw. At least I have time to slowly say goodbye. I just don’t want to.

As you’re probably well aware, I’m an advocate for the LGBT community. I think Proposition 8 was not only fueled by fear and hate, but that it was a misguided attempt at denying federal rights to a large group of Americans.

I was disheartened when I learned that it had passed. But I will ALWAYS fight for equal rights for everyone, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, or religious affiliation.

If you live in the Lafayette, Indiana area, and feel the way I do, please consider protesting with us on December 13. It will be cold. It might well be raining. But we’ll be there, fighting for what is right.

The facebook event page is here. You can also email me: catielove00[at]gmail.com for more information.

Bring a sign, dress warmly, and wear your pride. Fight for what’s right.